Hi everyone, I hope you’re all fine by God’s grace. Today’s post is about how to apologize when you’ve wronged a friend or a loved one.
Have you noticed that people tend to expect that others should apologize when they’ve hurt them, but that when it’s their own turn they fail to apologize?
I think for most of us, it’s difficult to forgive others even when they’ve apologized. So, it’s even more difficult to forgive them when they haven’t apologized. What you feel when you have to forgive someone who doesn’t even care to apologize (or who apologizes poorly) is the same thing that your friends feel when you gave hurt them but you act though and innocent and refuse to say sorry.
Instead of accusing our friends who never apologize, let’s then learn how to apologize. We may not be able to change them, but we can change ourselves,and may be through our example, they’ll learn to apologize better.
The 7 Don’ts of apologizing
- Don’t say “ok since you insist I am sorry”
- Don’t act like you apologize just because they oblige you to apologize
- Don’t accuse them of being too susceptible, too sensitive or too “weak”
- Don’t act like they’re stupid to feel wronged
- Don’t expect them to apologize too just because you’ve apologized (you may feel disappointed)
- Don’t apologize thinking they’re totally wrong though you were at fault
- Don’t apologize having in mind to do the same thing next time
Now that we’ve outlined the 7 things not to do when apologizing, let’s elaborate on how to apologize.
1. Recognize how you hurt them
1 John 1:8,10 KJV
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.  If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him(God) a liar, and His word is not in us.
In order to apologize, we must first of all recognize that we hurt the other. It’s not appropriate to always act “innocent” and like we’ve “never sinned” and “never wronged anyone” , or “never done anything wrong” . It’s unfair to pretend that we’re “perfect” while we are hurting others all around us.
If not we won’t be able to apologize clearly like “I am sorry for doing…..to you”. It’s our role to take responsibility for what we did to them.
2. Apologize out of love
Matthew 19:19b KJV
and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
Put yourself in the place of the person you’ve hurt, and apologize not because you feel obliged but because you’ve understood how he/she has been hurt, and because you know that if you were in their situation you would like the one who wronged you to come up to you and apologize.
3. Acknowledge their feelings
Hebrews 12:14-15 NIV
Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
This is something we generally fail to do. When you’ve hurt someone, you haven’t wronged the person’s intellect, or the person’s skills, or the person’s ideology, you’ve hurt the person’s feelings.
If it’s their feelings that you’ve hurt, you’re supposed to apologize by taking into account their feelings (not facts).
You may be right about the issue, you may have said something totally true or done something normal, but here it’s not about who’s normal or who’s right, it’s about whose feelings have been hurt, as such you ought to speak to their feelings.
Entering an argument about who is right or wrong will never solve the issue, even if they know they are wrong they’ll recognize it only once their hurt feelings would have been spoken to and calmed down.
Respond to people’s feelings, not to facts and logic.
What’s more important to you? Being right or saving the relationship?
Tomorrow God willing we’ll talk about other ways to apologize when we’ve wronged people.
Father Lord God Almighty, thank You for teaching me how to apologize sincerely, that I may ameliorate myself in my relationships and that my love for my friends and loved ones may shine bright to The Glory of Your Name, In Jesus Christ’s Name I’ve prayed. Amen.
Thanks for reading.
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