Hello everyone, I hope you are all fine by God’s grace. Today’s post is aimed at continuing what we started in the previous post. ” How to apologize when you’ve wronged them part 1“.
Last time we highlighted 7 things not to do when apologizing. As a quick recall;
The 7 Don’ts of apologizing
- Don’t say “ok since you insist I am sorry”
- Don’t act like you apologize just because they oblige you to apologize
- Don’t accuse them of being too susceptible, too sensitive or too “weak”
- Don’t act like they’re stupid to feel wronged
- Don’t expect them to apologize too just because you’ve apologized (you may feel disappointed)
- Don’t apologize thinking they’re totally wrong though you were at fault
- Don’t apologize having in mind to do the same thing next time
Also, we started on how to remedy these poor apologizing techniques, and listed three ways to apologize better.
- Recognize how you hurt them
- Apologize out of love
Acknowledge their feelings
Today, we’re going to look at four other ways to apologize better.
1. Understand their feelings
Colossians 3:12-13a NIV
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other
Understanding how they feel goes hand in hand with empathy and reconciliation. When you get to understand how the other one perceived what happened emotionally, it’s easier for you to apologize because you realize how hard it’s been on them. Also, when they feel understood, it’s easier to restore the relationship.
2.Remember you’re doing it for The Lord, not for them, nor for you
Colossians 3:23-24 NIV
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Some people apologize not because they feel bad about what they did, but because they want the other one to apologize too. Others apologize sincerely, but can’t get over how hurt they too have been unless the other one apologizes too. Unfortunately for them, not everyone’s ready to recognize their faults, and not everyone is willing to apologize even if they know that they’re wrong.
If you’re always expecting the other one to apologize then you’ll be broken and frustrated everytime he/she doesn’t apologize.
However, if you keep in mind that you’re doing it for The Lord, and that they owe nothing to you (not even apologies) you’ll get over it and move on even if they never ever say sorry.
3. Take your share of responsibility : Don’t just accuse the other one
Genesis 3:11-12 KJV
And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?  And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.
In general, it is said that in a conflict the people concerned all have a share of responsibility in the situation at least to a certain extent. I kind of agree.
It’s unfair to have issues with a friend or loved one but to always put the blame on him/her. Let’s learn to recognize when and where we messed up. Not only does this create room for forgiveness, but it also helps to know each other better and to ameliorate ourselves in the relationship.
4. Resolve to change/amend
James 1:23-25 NIV
Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.
When you apologize, it’s necessary that you also decide to amend yourself. Changing or adjusting your attitude is very important in case you want to maintain the trust of the relationship.
If you decide to continue committing the same sins, or making the same mistakes, if it’s your plan to say sorry each time but to never put in any efforts to act differently, then it’s just as if you hadn’t even apologized.
What’s important, is to pray and try your best to become a better version of yourself in The Lord. You may not succeed from day 1 but at least as you’ll be making progress, your loved ones will realize how sincere your apologies were, and this will only grow your relationship stronger.
Father God Almighty, please teach me to be sincere when I apologize, and to be empathetic towards my friends and loved ones, to recognize when I am at fault, and to make progress in becoming a better version of myself in The Lord. In Jesus Christ’s Name I pray. Amen
Thanks for reading.
Please like, comment and share.
God bless you all.