How to Deal With a Melancholic Friend 

Hello everyone, I hope you’re all fine by God’s grace. Lately we’ve been taking about 5 different types of friends and how to deal with them. After learning about how to deal with a “life of the party” friend and with a Mr./Mrs. Perfect friend, we’ll be talking about how to deal with a melancholic friend. 

Let’s introduce the melancholic friend. We surely all have at least one melancholic person in our lives (In my case, that person is my own self. Praise God that He’s actively working in me). The melancholic friend is 

  • Almost always sad 
  • Always remembering past (sad and or traumatic)  events 
  • Easily hurt 
  • Easily worried 
  • Fast to see everything as “dark” /”desperate”
  • Border-line
  • Fast to cry 
  • Easily depressed 
  • Slow to recover from heart aches 
  • At times difficult to please completely 
  • Demanding 
  • Very sensitive 

Melancholics don’t only have flaws, actually they have a really interesting character. 

  • They are very faithful/loyal friends 
  • They love sincerely and deeply (reason why they feel really depressed when disappointed) 
  • They are loving 
  • They are great romantics
  • They are poetic 
  • They love good music 
  • They are very empathetic 
  • They are understanding 
  • They are compassionate 
  • They are generous

There are so many things to say about the melancholic friend, but it’s important to insist on the fact that if you have a Melancholic Friend that you succeed in treating appropriately, then you have a friend for life God willing. Melancholics are really loyal, and they are more than willing and ready to go an extra mile just for you when they love you and feel loved and accepted by you. They’ll be able to understand every single feeling of yours because they are sensitive and empathetic. 

Nevertheless, it’s not easy to understand a melancholic friend, or even to please him/her. You may try your best, but never reach their level of sensitivity. You may sound “heartless” to them if you aren’t able to understand their feelings and to give out to them as much as they give out their love to you. The greatest headache you can have due to a melancholic is when you try to cheer him/her up. To every positive statement you have, they have at least two gloomy statements to counteract. When a melancholic is depressed, he sees the dark side about virtually everything. His/her best friend should indeed be a “life or the party” friend in order to cheer him/her up in time of need. 

In case you have difficulties in figuring out how to deal ( or cope) with a melancholic friend, here are some tips. 

1. Learn to say “I love you” 

1 John 3:11,18 KJV

For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. [18] My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.

Melancholics need love, validation and approbation. They’ll fulfill all those needs in God, when they submit to Him. 
Since they are more sensitive than you, you may show them your love but they may not notice it because they expect something else. As compensation, learn to tell them often how much you love and appreciate them. It’ll make them feel that you care about them as much as they care about you. 

2. Be honest but don’t be rude 

Colossians 4:6 KJV

Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

Melancholics are extremely sensitive as said previously. No one’s asking you to act like you were walking on eggshells, but at least try to show respect and gentleness. Even when they’re wrong, or when you’re trying to cheer them up and they refuse to feel better, don’t be rude, don’t tell them they’re “weak”, “stupid “” crazy ” etc, those words may not affect them for ever, but may affect the extent of their commitment towards you on a long run. 
3. Be patient and understanding 

Ephesians 4:2 NIV

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Learning to know a melancholic friend demands being patient and understanding. It takes time to get to know them well, to gain (or re-gain)  their trust, to build a relationship with them. The great differences which exist between your temperaments shouldn’t discourage you but only teach you to accept them as they are, and to praise God because He makes us all different and He loves diversity. 

4. Cheer them up

Proverbs 16:24 NIV

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Never give up on cheering them up in their sad moments. Encourage them all the time. They need you, so don’t give up on them. Always remind them who they are in The Lord, how much God loves them, to the point He gave His Only Son to die on The Cross for them, as a ransom for their sins. 
5. Pray for them 

James 5:16b KJV

 and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Pray that the peace, Joy, and emotional fulfillment they need, may be found in God. Pray that they realize that they don’t need anyone to be complete, God completes them already. 
6. Embrace their emotions 

Proverbs 14:10 NIV

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy. 

At times your melancholic friend may feel very happy and at other times may feel very sad. Without judging their emotions, try to feel those emotions with them. Perhaps they just need to spend some time feeling sad, and afterwards when they’ve recovered they’re happy again. Cheer them up but never try to suppress what they feel, let it express itself, let them speak and acknowledge what they feel, and with time the dark hours will fade away, and they’ll be back to a more jovial mode.

7. Ask them what they need 

1 Corinthians 13:7 NIV

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

In order to avoid further misunderstandings, just ask them what they need from you, and if you can, provide it for them and be a blessing to them. If they need to watch a movie to get better, watch it with them. If they need to have a walk to feel cheered up, have a walk with them. If they need a friendly platonic hug to feel safe, just give them that hug. Help them in The Lord. 
Prayer 

Father Lord God Kind of Glory, thank You for teaching me today that my melancholic friends are a blessing to me. Help them find love, Joy and fulfillment in You. Help me be a good friend to them according to their needs in The Lord. Thank You Father, in Jesus Christ’s Name. Amen

Thanks for reading. 

Please like, comment and share. 

God bless you all. 

God bless all your friends. 

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