Hello everyone, I hope you’re all fine by God’s grace. Today’s post is the last in this sub-part of our series on friendship: 5 types of friends and how to deal with them.
We’ve already explained how to with
- The “life of the party” friend
- The Mr. /Mrs. Perfect friend
- The melancholic friend
- The susceptible friend
Here we go, on how to deal with a People-pleaser friend.
Do you have a friend who
- Never really has an “opinion”
- Always says yes to everything and everyone
- Never really takes decisions but gets along with any single thing the crowd chooses
- Acts like he/she is the most carefree and easy-going person on earth
- Looks sluggish to act for his/herself
- Always says “I am OK with everything”
- Always lets you choose, but never tries to decide first on him/herself
- Acts excessively passively
- Does everything to please others (even the things they don’t like)
- Appears like he/she is never worried about anything since they “take life as it comes”
- Says “Whatever will be will be” as slogan
- Craves for others’ approval
- Is afraid of giving his/her true opinion by fear of displeasing orders
- Flees conflict as much as possible
- Seldom gets angry or shouts
- Is approved of by everyone since he/she never opposes anyone
There are many ways to describe a people-pleaser friend, but I hope with this list you’ve been able to identify at least one people-pleaser in your life (even if that one person is you).
The greatest “advantage” you may have in having a people-pleaser as friend is that you’ll face the least opposition ever in the relationship. You’ll always be deciding about everything , and making the other one do or say almost every single thing you want, since they do not want to offend you nor enter any conflict with you. That’s an advantage in case you love dominating in your relationships and having “puppets” which you can control. Personally, I think if that’s so, then you’re deceiving yourself and I doubt that this is truly friendship.
Also, their way of taking life really easily may help you manage stress and or depression by using their approach “feeling relaxed about everything and unpressurized about anything“.
The greatest disadvantage in having a people pleaser as a friend, is that you may never really know whether you’re really friends and they really love you, or whether everything they show to you is just a mask, a poker face, which they use in order to” always be approved by everyone “and to” never offend anyone “.
Anyhow, let’s see how to deal with a people-pleaser.
1. Stop exploiting them
Matthew 7:12 KJV
Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets
People-pleasers tend to never say no. Even when they’re overwhelmed with responsibilities from everywhere, once you’ve asked them something they feel obliged to say yes, and to do at least something about it. At times you’re making them invest more than they really can. Try to put yourself in their place, and not to push all your work on them. Respect their needs even if they never speak about them, learn to observe them.
2. Speak to them
Proverbs 29:25 NIV
Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
Make them understand that they weren’t created to live for the approval of everyone but only for the approval of God. Let them realize that they can’t please everybody and that God Himself doesn’t please everybody.
At a given time, some people are praying for rain, others for sunshine. One of the groups is going to be disappointed. God hasn’t called you to please everyone at the same time and He Himself doesn’t try to please everyone at the same time.
Luke 6:26a NIV
Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you,
Make them realize that if everyone speaks good of people-pleasers it’s not that much because they are good people but because they are “whimps/cowards” who never stand against anything and never stand for anything. As such they aren’t of great opposition to anyone. Everyone approves them, because they never offend any body.
Instead of living your life never to offend anyone, live it in order to always please God.
3. Pray for them
Ephesians 3:14, 17-19 NIV
For this reason I kneel before the Father, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Pray that they may realize that God loves them as they are, and that they don’t need to wear masks with others in order to be accepted. Pray that they may realize that God wants us to be sincere ad honest, and that they were called to live for an audience of One ie. God.
4. Help them express their opinion
Make it usual to care for what they really think and really want. Be a safe environment around them while they’re learning to say “no” and to express their mind. Don’t frustrate them when you don’t agree, but accept the fact that you may have different opinions and make them notice that it won’t affect your love for them in any way.
1 Corinthians 13:5,7 NIV
Love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered…… . it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Finally, being a good friend isn’t easy. We must find a fair balance between our desires(and needs) and those of our friend, but above all, we should seek their growth in The Lord.
NB: Click here in case you want to know how to get rid of the people-pleaser mentality. You shall be redirected to a video of Pastor Rick Warren, author of “Purpose Driven Life”.
I wish you the best in your friendships.
Eternal Lord King of Glory thank You for teaching me that the only approval that me or my friends have to seek is Yours. Thank You for accepting us just as we are (with all our flaws) and for transforming us in The Image of Your Son Jesus Christ. In Jesus Christ’s Name I thank You. Amen
Thanks for reading.
Please like, comment and share.
God bless you all.
God bless your friendships.